I Don't Know Where I'm Going Anymore

This spring break that just passed by was suppose to make me feel better. I was going to paint my room, draw till my heart's content, and start playing the piano again. I was going to shut down that stress and depression professors brought to me from their assignments and start fresh to get ready to finish this semester with decent grades, but none of that happen. For the most part of my break I ended up helping my family with favor like, helping my father clean up the trashiest house I've ever seen, which took an entire day, cleaning up my house, which took another day, and taking our pets to the Clinique, which took three days between mornings and afternoons. I also did spend a day and an afternoon hanging out with my friends, which was pretty awesome to be honest, but for some reason I still feel empty on what my objective is at this point. I did had fun talking about everything and nothing at all but on the back of my head I was thinking on how they all seem to have an dream to pursuit with plans to get there.  Before college, my mentality was just getting to this point of my life and now after years in elementary, junior high, and high school I am where I wanted to be but now the problem is where am I heading from here. I though that once I was in college I was going to naturally be in the right path to being an animator/architecture but that's simply not the case. The biggest problem to my plan in all this was that I wasn't accepted to the college that I had planed on attending but now I don't have that in mind and I tried to make the best of what is offered to me in Stanislaus. My plan was to get to my planed college and start aiming towards my goal of getting my masters on architecture first, then right after I wanted to get my masters on animation, which is what I really want to do and then find a way to get to work on pixar animation, but now because I can't do my architecture studies in Stanislaus because they don't have architecture mayors I'm lost on what I want to do. I am trying to find a way to do my mayor on animation first but for some reason I'm losing sight and encouragement on what I want to do. I wanted to get my masters on architecture so my mother could be proud of me. Even if I don't become an architecture she will love me the way she has always done, but because she has done what every mother should do for their child and more I wanted to find a way that I can help her back by becoming an architecture so I can financially help her some day and to let her now that her son did something important that is recognized to be one of the most profitable carriers out there. To all this I just want to add up that this semester has been horrible on my GPA. I can't even describe the way I feel in word because I've verbally incapable  to express what I feel to others because is always embarrassing to tell others about the way I feel about stupid things like school. I just don't want to bother people with my tiny problems. It isn't healthy and I'm just going to let them know I'm sad and thats it. It sounds idiotic to me to let my friend know I'm sad about having too much stress in my life right now. It sound stupid to me because I never talked about my problems with my friends before. I don't like sharing that kind of stuff my friend because that will ruin the image that I have in their eyes. Always laughing and keeping it positive. I just dont want to be a drama queen. The only reason I'm sharing this here is because I know that only like two people will quickly move through this reading to leave a quick comment get points in English. In conclusion to this I have a little desire of quitting college at the moment but I know that once this semester is over I'm going to have a new fresh start on my upcoming semester. I also do want to start looking up what can I do as to right now to get closer in working at pixar as an animator. I want to draw for my job and just have a great time earning money doing what I love. This blog really help me out on knowing what I need to fix in my life right now. Thank you for reading and, just an advice here, have a clear an achievable goal ready to go as for right now composed of little daily tasks/goals for everything that will get you closer to your mayor goal.